http://www.yelp.com/biz/joedoe-new-york#hrid:VZ791rP-hEk5Iu-v–AFUg

BY FAR THE WORST DINING EXPERIENCE I’VE EVER HAD. Yup, Chef Joe – you specifically asked me to post on Yelp – so here I am.

The chef and waitress threatened to HIT me upon exiting. Yes – you read that right – the chef waited for our table outside and came right up to my face and threatened to “shove his foot up my ass.”

Mind you – I’m a successful, well-traveled and eaten New Yorker – not a drunk NYU student. Let’s get that straight.

I’m sure you want to know why they were such rude disgusting people (and CLEARLY Joe and Jill, I’m NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS SO!). A dozen other Yelpers are wrong too? Read on to discover why I was threatened by a business owner in the service industry.

We come in – intrigued by the menu. Waitress/Owner Jill seats us and the ordering process begins. And here comes oddity numero uno. We just wanted appetizers and a cheese plate. But Jill said that the chef won’t appreciate that and that’s not how they do things. That we need to order an entree. ?? Um…but we just want to order a bunch of appetizers and a cheese plate. And it wasn’t like the restaurant was nearly full – just a table of foreigners celebrating their birthday and a bunch of Jill’s friends.

She basically said that we need to order an entree. Something about it being an electric kitchen – so we couldn’t just order apps? Not sure the logic here, but correct me if I’m wrong. We begrudgingly ordered TWO overpriced entrees – to make Jill happy. But prior to our order, Jill went into the kitchen to speak with Joe about our table. Both were literally staring at us while they were speaking like we were morons. Listen lady – we just wanted some drinks and a few appetizers (6 to be exact – for 3 people – so it wasn’t like we weren’t ordering much) and we clearly said we don’t mind when they come out. We’re easy going. No rush. Just wanted a nice nibble and a glass of wine.

I don’t even feel like going into the food since there were a couple high points. They don’t deserve it. And there definitely were a few confused and downright weird dishes that just didn’t gel. And I’m clearly not the first to think that as well.

And fyi – throughout the entire meal – they just kept talking about us. We were sober, having a nice time and catching up with old friends. It was awkward and uncomfortable.

So, here’s why a small business owner threatened one of his (well) paying customers…I posted a not so great review on foursquare while we were finishing up. YUP! I posted how I felt about the service, about Jill’s attitude and how odd the overall experience was. These review conscious chef/waitress/owners were clearly monitoring their computers/phones instead of focusing on balanced dishes and strong customer service.

We were luckily finishing up our entrees when the check is THROWN down on the table on a clipboard. THUD. And the delightful Jill says “It’s time for you to go.” We were FLOORED and confused at first.

I don’t want to drag this out much further. But we paid after having our credit cards LITERALLY thrown back at us. After Jill and Joe YELLED across the restaurant how we should never come back (uhhh – ya think?!) and how, get this, I was a “pussy.” A chef called me a “pussy” from the kitchen across the restaurant. And Jill said, “Aren’t you embarrassed right now?” “Uh…no Jill, but you should be.”

It gets better. THEY WAITED FOR US OUTSIDE. And mind you – we left a nice 18-19% tip. As we left, the charming couple started screaming down the block. At first I said I would take the review down, but seriously, should I really take down the bad review after that, or expand upon it?

Then, the cordial Joe, came RIGHT UP INTO MY FACE, as I’m halfway down the street and said that he should “shove his foot up my ass.” Called one of my friends an asshole (who was a very sweet female who was blown away by the entire situation) and then again screamed down the block to never come back. Uhhh…again..ya think?!

Listen Jill and Joe – I’m a reasonable guy. But you run a business. In the digital age. And you work in the service industry. You’re never, EVER going to please everyone. You’re going to get a bad review (or as evidenced below, several). You can’t threaten to fight your customers because they weren’t pleased with your customer service.

Maybe my review on foursquare was too harsh, I’ll admit it. But their actions merely proved me right. If I only had the foresight to know their behavior, in front of their customers, it would’ve said something completely different.

I’m shocked, appalled and flabbergasted. In my entire life of eating across the globe, I’ve never experienced something like this.

I don’t even have to tell you what to make of this or whether or not to dine at this establishment. Literally – dine at your own risk.

And NEVER say anything bad about Jill or Joe – or they’ll shove their feet up your ass.